The question of who joins high control religious groups seems like it would have a simple answer. It does not. Nor is there a simple answer to how it happens. The starting place should be the question of what disposes a person to spiritual abuse? Why is a person vulnerable? What differences in people make one vulnerable and another not so vulnerable? 

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We are posting a number of e-letters Make Sure Ministries has received from David Henke, founder of Watchman Fellowship, Inc., an apologetics ministry, on a variety of subjects. They will post on Tuesdays into the foreseeable future. As always, we appreciate your comments. Please consider clicking on the link following this blog to learn more about Watchman Fellowship and what they have to offer. E-letters have been slightly edited for clarity.

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Here is a list that may help you think it through. Which of these statements fit you? 

1. I had a lack of knowledge of the Bible. 

2. I was raised in an abusive family or church, so I didn’t know the difference. 

3. I was not sufficiently strong in critical thinking skills or will power. 

4. I came to Christ through the abusive group’s influence. 

5. I was like the frog in the kettle [in water slowly heating up] where error came so gradually, I didn’t notice until it was too late. 

6. I am easily led, or I want someone to take the lead for me. 

7. (Something else?) 

Abused People Share Their Reasons for Involvement: 

First Person, gave two answers: “Fear—Fearful of missing God so you do EVERYTHING the person you consider to be the authority tells you. (for example, GIVE, GIVE, GIVE)” (p. 33 of Spiritual Abuse Recovery Workbook) On p. 34 under the heading “Feeling of Spiritual Inadequacy” it reads, “Feeling that others are more spiritual so they must have ALL the knowledge. Feeling like you ‘blew it’ so you need others to help you see truth etc.” 

Second Person said: “I think that one big one, at least for me, is that I had no idea that a Pastor or Church would do such a thing to the very people they claim to care so much about. I, for one, thought that even though you may differ on some Biblical issues, basically the church I was a member of was a safe place. Church does not hurt people. It is supposed to be a place where you are loved, cared for, able to grow up in the Lord Jesus Christ. A place where you are not harmed, spiritually or mentally. I think that another one might be closely related to the person’s past, also the abuser’s past as well.” (p. 34)

Third Person said: “Being a compliant child, and having a need to be accepted and validated.” (p. 34)

Fourth Person said: “Of your reasons that people get involved in a cult–I think all of those reasons could apply to my ex-husband. But the one that applies to me is the gradually-getting-worse idea. And I also think that none of us wants to think that anyone is ‘bad’ or ‘abusive.’ We [Christians] try and rationalize people’s behavior and don’t want to think of them negatively. We WANT to live in peace.” 

Spiritual Abuse Recovery Workbook continues, “Having good insight into one’s vulnerability is an indication that the person is no longer vulnerable in that area. Like scar tissue now there is strength where there was once a wound. This awareness of vulnerability is vital in recovering from abuse. It is one thing to know that abuse happened, that it was abuse, and that the guilt resides in the abuser, but it is another thing entirely to know why you were a victim. If that lesson is not learned, and it frequently is not, then another round of abuse is possible.

“People who were raised in families where dysfunction was the norm may gravitate toward a church that is like their family of origin. It’s all they know. It’s the familiar rut with an accepted comfort level. The way to break out of such a rut is exposure to a much more gracious culture. Hopefully the contrast will stir a hunger for grace and not performance. This is what the people in the Bible who knew they were sinners saw in Jesus. They contrasted Him to the self-righteous Pharisees and knew instantly that Jesus was someone to listen to.” (p. 34) 

(This material was taken from my Spiritual Abuse Recovery Workbook. If you know someone in a legalistic or abusive group forward this email to them and ask if they identify with any of this material. My workbook is available on Amazon at this link:  https://amzn.to/3g7xISi)

January 21, 2022 E-Letter

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